Thursday, January 13, 2005
Plummet.
I am floundering in relativity again.
Oftimes I try to believe that it's all over. It's behind me now, I'm better, I'm okay.
Then I fall down and forget how to get up again.
There is nothing here for me. I am dead to the Other; even though I once existed. That is the latent terror, a symptom: it is suddenly either all or nothing: either you break the surface shell to the withering viod or you don't. I want to get back to my more intermediate path, where the surface of the world is permeated by my being: eating, writing, shopping, laughing, talking: so all is good in itself, and not just a hectic activity to cover up the fear that must face itself and duel itself to death saying: Life is a Passing.
The horror is the sudden folding up and away of the phenomenal leaving nothing. Just rags. Human rooks which say: Fraud. I am exhausted, but I can't sleep. Eternal questions keep knocking at the gates of my daily reality, which I like to cling like a mad lover, questions which bring the dark perilous world where all is the same, there are no distinctions, no discrimination, no space and no time: the whistling breath of eternity.
posted by Fuzzy @ 01:37
monologue.
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