1. You look Indian, why then do you speak Malay/ are a Muslim/ celebrate Hari Raya/ have a Malay name?

You bleeding fucks, get your facts straight. If I'm not Malay and I shouldn't speak Malay, then you shouldn't speak English 'cos you're not English, no? And for the love of God, you're living in a God-damned multi-racial, multi-cultural country, why can't I be Muslim JUST BECAUSE I'm not Malay. For the love of God, I know and see tons of Malays who claim they're Muslim/ celebrate Hari Raya and prolly don't know the very first verse from the Quran.

2. {Upon hearing my name] Oh, You're Malay ah?

My name happens to translates as father's pride in Arabic, thanks very much. A-R-A-B-I-C, not malay.

3. So what are you a mix of?

Generally Indian, no Malay, Indonesian or whachamacallit blood, but my ancestors seem to have come together during WWII, with reference to their origins. Now you know.

4. WAH! SO TALL!

Blame the genes.

5. WAH! SO TALL! How to find husband like that, so tall?/ Your parents marry so late, when are you planning to get married?

I'll have to wait until female polygamy is legal.

6. Where's that top/ shoes/ earrings/ socks/ bottoms/ skirt/ bag from?

I open my eyes when I walk.

7. Catalog Magazine? -insert puzzled expression here-

You want me to punch you is it?

8. How come you're broke AGAIN?

If I knew this, I wouldn't be broke all the time, wouldn't I?

9. Why go poly? Siao ah? Mass Comm no market one, ok?

Oh yeah, then what in fuck's name am I doing writing for a magazine right now? And who's gonna fill up ST/ Channel 5/ Channel 8/ whachamacallits?

10. You rock, lah Fuzz. you should seriously go rule the world, be a pimp, shag Casey Miller and go shopping and chat over a frappa with Lindsay, Paris, Nicole and Ashlee.

Ok, I make my plush monkey send telepathic messages to my brain every night before I go to bed and this is what it tells me otherwise I'll rip his head off. I love Daisy, the He-Monkey.