fuzzy's guide to attending SFF shows
1. Enter only by the MEDIA entrance. Anywhere else and you get shit. Of course, you'd need a press pass.
2. Get seated, sit straight, look out for targets.
3. Look out for her too.
4. Once the show starts, gawk at the gorgeous wedges and the togs. Gawk also at the models - male or female.
5. Occasionally tune in to your companion's comments with his boyfriend/ friend in whether the model's boobs are fake/ whether the model's hot/ whether the model's done a nose job.
6. When the model/ clothes bore you, look out for her again. Once you spot her, do not lose track of her.
7. Sigh at how effortlessly gooorgeous she looks and how she always looks a million smacks.
8. Freak out about your sexuality and tune back into the show, desperately looking for a tall/bald/pan asian male model to lust over.
9. After the show, get a glass of margarita/ champagne/ whateverhellelse and position yourself oh-so-effortlessly, yet very strategicly to where she is. Make sure your companion(s) are with you, otherwise you'll feel stupid.
10. Important- media whore, it's the only way through.
11. Throw occasional glances in her direction, and at the same time, continue to whore. At least 3 namecards per night, or you don't go anywhere near the exit.
12. When you go get another drink, she spots you and says, "Hi!" Remember to act surprised and say, "Oh, hey. Didn't see you around. How do you think the show was?" and continue talking to her. Hold the conversation for a relative period of time until there is an awkward silence. That's an indication to move on and start whoring again. Casually smile and go, "Anyway..." And leave her side.
13. Jon Jonsson - hot. Jaymee Ong, Rebecca Tan, Nadya Hutagalung - fucking hot. Dragon (whateverhisrealnameis) - WAHLAUEH, I WAAANT!
[sorry sera, it's a tug-of-war thing now. since im not planning on settling down this soon though, you can still marry him and have your dragon surname. i'll just stick to the more, uhm, exciting parts of ... uh, life with him. Heh heh]
14. Always, always whore the magazine you're from also.
I swear either I've got my sexuality very confused or my hormones are fucking screwed due to an abnormal shift in the moon. Gemini/Cancer Cusps are interesting creatures, I swear.
A month ago, the question was - 'Is your tronky broken?'
Today, it's - 'Do you have pipples or bipples?' Time to do some checkin'.
posted by Fuzzy @ 00:20
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